Relationships Corner: The Stage of Intimacy & the Power of Waiting

The Wait

God has been talking to me a great deal about relationships lately, revealing what He is preparing and what is required of me in my current stage. So it is of no surprise that when I got the latest issue of Essence in the mail, the first article I would be drawn to is “Worth the Wait,” a sit down with Pastor and movie producer (CEO of Franklin Entertainment) DeVon Franklin and his wife, actress/producer Meagan Good.

In the interview the couple share details of their union in light of their book The Wait which releases February 2nd. Not only do DeVon and Meagan attribute their relationship success to their commitment to celibacy before marriage, but the success of their careers as well.

“As a man, if you can be disciplined in your sexual life, there’s nothing you can’t do.” -DeVon Franklin

What a powerful statement that resonates for both men and women. As a woman who has committed to celibacy off and on, I can admit that one of my biggest struggles was finding a man that was willing to wait with me. Often times I was too embarrassed to even bring up the subject. DeVon states a very important fact in another interview with Hope TV:

“You’ve got to be vocal and upfront with the person about your commitment. Don’t think that they’re just gonna get it. We [he and Meagan] talked about it and we said, ‘Hey this is where I am…’”

If you are not comfortable discussing matters of significance with your mate, then that is a sure sign that he or she is not the person for you. As I become more bold in my faith, I am unapologetic in expressing what I believe. I know that God did not have  intentions of us having multiple sexual partners.

The damage that my past sexual relationships resulted in is proof that God has higher plans for me. At the end of those relationships I was left feeling dirty, disappointed, or even devastated because somehow I felt that person left with a part of me.

We often ignore the power of spirits. There are spirits of jealously, anger, rage, depression, bitterness, the list goes on, that we allow in through our entertainment choices, the people we surround ourselves with, and the physical engaging of spirits through intercourse.

God has blessings piled up for us but He must ensure that we are ready to receive them. Often, we hold ourselves back by surrendering to our flesh rather than His leadership. He needs to know that we have the capacity to properly manage the gifts He has stored up for us. Is anything worth giving up the rights to our inheritance?

“If for some reason my disobedience were to disqualify me for God’s purpose on my life, would the activity that I was engaging in be worth it? If…at the end of my life God were to say, ‘Here’s what I had planned for you but because you showed yourself not worthy I couldn’t give it to you,’ would I be able to say that all those late nights or early mornings were worth it? No. I would not be able to reconcile it. I desperately want my purpose in this life so badly I don’t want anything to ever prevent me from getting there.” -DeVon Franklin

Many of you are single and are experiencing a shift in your focus. You are no longer wishing for a good time but you crave something long-lasting, something eternal even. God is developing, shaping, and molding you for your future spouse. If you are wasting your current life lessons with a person that is not for you, or giving up the holy temple in which you dwell, you are not only prolonging the process to your destiny, you are tainting that temple for its rightful inhabitant.

I am dealing with that shift now because for so long I did not think I needed anyone else. I was so committed to being independent that I overlooked my heart. I was so determined to avoid hurt that I pretended I did not desire love.

“My brain just would go through all these things that weren’t true to how I felt in my heart but they were mentally what I thought I had to tell myself to protect myself.” -Meagan Good

I now realize that God wants me to experience His love through the support and partnership with the man He has ordained for me. He wants me to open my heart so that I can accomplish His great work here on this earth by joining forces with one of His sons. However, there is a breaking down of me that must occur first. I cannot intertwine what God is doing in me with someone else in this phase. Just as there are certain stages and crash tests a new BMW must go through before it hits the car lot, God must develop me and test me out before putting me on the road of intimate relationship.

Do not look at celibacy as punishment. Don’t think of living your life for Christ as boring, dull or an inconvenience.  People get deterred from Christianity because of religious contradictions. Choosing to abide by God’s will does not mean you turn in your “fun” card. I am having more fun as I choose to live solely for Him than I ever have. He has stripped my desire for activities outside of His will and given me pleasure in pleasing Him.

Once you discover your value to God, you will realize your value in this earth. It’s far bigger than the cars, designer clothes, and sexual arousal. God has a purpose for you that impacts the Kingdom. Nothing is worth sacrificing this great truth but everything is worth sacrificing for its benefits.

Read DeVon and Meagan’s full Essence interview here.

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One thought on “Relationships Corner: The Stage of Intimacy & the Power of Waiting

  1. Nena says:

    I saw an interview about their book and they are such a gorgeous, strong couple! May they continue to be a beautiful example of purity and true marriage:)

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