When we think that we can change you or when we’re blinded by love and we love you so much, we’ll stay in a bad situation for a really long time. – Sevyn Streeter, Shoulda Been There Part I, “Bad Situation” Interlude
I was listening to Sevyn Streeter’s latest album Shoulda Been There Part I when I heard the above quote. First of all, the structure of the interludes on this album reminds me of The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill ONLY because they are all discussions about love. The transition to each track features dialogue between Sevyn and a few male and female friends about relationships and how women are often played. These guys and gals share honest opinions about the do’s and don’ts of love and how to avoid major heartbreak.
Why we women fall for the okie doke so often I do not know. Okay, I do, love is blind and it honestly takes over our mind until our heart believes it’s real. We fall in love with the idea of being in love. It’s hard to find a man that meets our criteria. So we often settle out of desire to be wanted, to have someone, for affection. All very bad reasons to stay in a committed relationship if there are no other grounds for the union. We confuse love with the filling of a void, a hollow space that can only be gratified with love for oneself.
I’ve said before that it’s so funny of God to call man and woman to be together while making us complete opposites. We process things differently, have conflicting emotions, and behave differently. Men tend to think that we overreact to their actions and we think they don’t react enough. Men usually are very mellow creatures and are not heavily impacted by dramatics. They are not going to throw a tantrum over us not leaving the toilet seat up, and in most cases they will not trip if we neglect to call them a time or two.
One of the guys on the Sevyn Streeter interlude, “A Piece of Advice,” made this statement.
When you feel something, don’t look. You don’t need confirmation because the confirmation is the feeling…If you have the feeling to go through his phone, that’s enough confirmation. Don’t be naïve.
I can’t tell you the amount of times I or one of my friends felt suspicious that our guy was up to no good. But until it hit us in the face we ignored it. If our intuition tells us something is not right, either it is true or we have insecurities that we need to work on before committing to someone. Either scenario is a valuable reason to end the relationship.
Stop holding onto something that is not there. Stop confusing affection with love. Do not commit until you are whole; that means in a perfectly good space, happy and thriving without him. You will have so much more to offer to a man if you wait for these key factors.
-Renée Nicole Gibson Twitter: disclosednative IG: ms_disclosednative