When things are going great in my life I feel like I have less to write about. I mean people don’t just want to hear about God’s goodness all the time, or do they? Now I see why people talk about Mary J. taking on sappy songs in contrast to her former pain bleeding through her lyrics. But I can’t help but be celebratory of what God is doing in me. I’ve waited for this moment all my life. I have finally entered the realm of complete happiness, wholeness; not because of what I’ve accomplished, I still have a long way to go; but because my destiny is so close I can taste it.
I finally have learned how He works and laugh in the general direction of anything that goes against His plan. Every second of my life isn’t cookies and cream, but having the clarity of my destiny is beyond words, but I will try to explain anyway.
Not everyone knows everything that I’ve been through. I was raised to keep a smile on my face despite of my circumstances; to never unveil what’s going on behind closed doors. In some ways that was good because not everyone needs to know your business, but I am learning now that I do not have to be ashamed of where I’ve come from. Every single person that I have met has made mistakes and endured trials. No one is exempt.
I am watching a sermon from Bishop T.D. Jakes and he is being honest about times that his wife had to boil water for him to take a bath. Been there, could write a book about it. He’s talking about not having water, been there could teach the lecture. He’s talking about running cable wires from room to room for that illegal hook-up, okay if I had someone here that could make that happen for me today I’d still be on that chapter, but needless to say we’ve all been there, done that.
But at the end of his testimony, he says in his Bishop Jakes way, “I break every curse. You will not end how you started. Supernatural blessing will fall in YOUR LIFETIME.” I see that happening today in my life and it’s bittersweet. Bitter only because in the moments of suffering I used to wonder, “Why me? Why did you choose my family to go through the same trials over and over and over and over again?” But I wonder would I have the same tenacity today if I hadn’t endured such trials? Would I have the mindset that I have no option but to make something of myself; that I have to have a greater purpose and there’s no ifs, and, buts, pondering, adding, or subtracting about it?
I used to wish that the things that God reveals to me now would have come earlier in life. But I now have the wisdom to understand that I would not have been ready at age 16 or 22 or even 25 to handle the revelations God so sweetly provides to me today. I wouldn’t know what to do with it. His instruction would overwhelm me. I was too insecure. I was too caught up in my own ability or inability. Now I realize that it’s not about what I can do, it’s what God does through me.
I grew up a shy girl who would not speak to anyone outside of my immediate family. No, you don’t understand, I did not speak to anyone. Twenty-eight years later I have spoken and danced on stages, I have moved to numerous locations and made friends with total strangers. This is not an innate ability, this is God working through me. The more I grow in Him, the more His power activates and works in me.
I’m excited about what God’s doing in me. I’m happy. God breathes His fresh peace on me daily and it rocks me and stirs up the drive in me to live out loud. I hope that my life is exemplary, not perfect, but a model of how to hear from God and listen.
-Renée Nicole Gibson Twitter: disclosednative IG: ms_disclosednative