Relationships Corner: Can You Really Be Friends With Your Exes?

Angela Simmons and Bow Wow at 106 & Park, May 24, 2013. (photo: John Ricard / BET)

Angela Simmons and Bow Wow at 106 & Park, May 24, 2013. (photo: John Ricard / BET)

I was reading an article that posed the question, “Should you invite your ex to your wedding?,” and it got me thinking about a conversation I recently had about being friends with exes. We were looking at the drama between Chris Brown and his ex Karrueche and the tangled web he wove by returning to his ex ex Rihanna. My friend found it no big deal but I personally think it’s a slippery slope remaining buddy buddy with a former flame, especially if it’s someone you’ve been intimate with.

Regardless of whether or not you are emotionally invested in a person, it can be hard to rid of physical chemistry. Once you have had sex with someone there is a soul tie whether we want to admit it or not. We can completely be over a person but imagery of the past can quickly ignite at the sight of them.

The way I see it is, there is a reason you broke up. There was something about that person that just did not click with you so why try to hold on to what did? Unless there’s business involved I don’t see the point. I have a friend whose ex had been trying to win her back. After much talking and soul-searching she helped him realize that he was actually still in love with someone else. Now she is learning that even though she is over him, hearing him talk about another woman is too much for her to handle. She thought that she could be a friend to him and help him figure life out but she realized that was not her role.

As strong as we attempt to be, we at some point will have ill feelings about the ex and their new relationship. We will think back to the way things were as if we have some sort of privilege for being with them first. We will think about moments we shared and wonder about the new memories they are making together. Even if we have moved on, giving our mind the opportunity to wander onto thoughts of yesterday can be an unhealthy set back to our growth.

There are many people who remain besties with their exes and that’s great. Some may have to due to children being involved. I love seeing positive co-parenting relationships because it is essential to the kids’ development and learning to respect both parents. But don’t think that you have to be friends with someone to show that you are over them. You can be cordial from a distance. You don’t need to update each other on your new relationships and you don’t have to hold onto something that was for a past season. If they weren’t good for you then what makes you think they are good for you now just because some time has gone by? And what makes you think that talking regularly will heal all wounds?

I’m not saying it can’t be done I just don’t personally think that it’s necessary. What are your thoughts? Are you bff’s with your exes or do you drop them like a bad habit?

-Renée Gibson Twitter: disclosednative IG: ms_disclosednative

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