What’s wrong with taking things slow? When people feel that they’ve reached a “certain age,” and that number differs for each person, they can rush things in relationships. They are in a hurry to find love because they feel their biological clock is ticking or they don’t want to risk losing something that could possibly be special. Whoever said that choosing to court for a good period of time to really get to know someone had to be a risk factor? What are you afraid of, that you would see a person’s true colors, or worse that they’ll see your’s?
Love is such a small word with heavy complications but given small significance. Our elders murmur that young people don’t know what true love is, that they fall into lust rather than a true bond. However, I see older people forgetting the value in real love. At a certain point, after facing so many experiences, people just want someone to help them keep the lights on, maintain order with the house and kids, and cuddle with them at night. But isn’t love supposed to be deeper than that?
I don’t want to commit to someone that I’m just able to stomach. “Oh, he has a nice paying job and a great credit score so he has to be the one.” If I am going to sacrifice all of the luxuries of my singlehood then you better be bringing something more than to the table but to my soul. I need to feel like I was not living before I met you. I need you to satisfy a craving I didn’t even know I had. I need your very existence to coincide with my desire to be a better person, to make a difference in this world. I want you to make me be a better me, rather than cause me to surrender who I am to make you who you are.
So many lose themselves in relationships and families and I’m not knocking anyone who has chosen this route. But if I am going to be in love, I want it to be a necessary insert into my life. I want it to add so much depth and happiness and wholesome responsibility to everything as I once knew it.
Men think that I am confused when I tell them I do not want to be more than friends. They think that I am one of those women that says I am fine alone but deep down I am lying to myself. And then we they don’t see me any longer they realize how real I was.
I can tell in a first meeting if it’s going to work and honestly I do not have the energy for it to work at this point in my life. Men slow me down and I’m not here for it. I don’t have the energy to soothe you when you’re down, and I don’t need your help when I’m going through a moment. In Drake’s words “I have trust issues” and the last thing I need is to pour out my heart to someone just for them to turn out to be the opposite of sweet and loving in a few months.
But this isn’t about my lack of confidence in relationships but rather an ode to stay true to the concept of love and what it really means. Don’t let your lust for love turn into just lust. Don’t overlook flaws that you will not be able to handle five years down the road. Slow down, take your time, and wait for something real.
Never think that this is the end all and be all. There is more waiting for you if you are patient and don’t put all of your effort into finding a relationship. Establish yourself, build friendships, and get to know someone before running off into never never land and hitting a dead end. Wait for God’s instruction that this is the one. And don’t play God. You know when you actually hear from Him and when you think or hope that you have. Don’t be anxious. Don’t make a hasty decision. Be still, listen, and activate discernment. Nothing is so important that it cannot surrender to sound judgement.
-Renée Gibson Twitter: disclosednative IG: ms_disclosednative